As Kenny Dalglish is quickly finding out to his cost, pass and move has not been the Liverpool groove for some time now. The Anfield club are considering some more realistic replacement syncopations, such as “miscontrol and flay, it’s the Liverpool way” and “aesthetically defile, it’s the Liverpool style”, but while this should keep the man from trade descriptions happy, it’s not going down so well with the fans. Hence the serious interest in Blackpool schemer Charlie Adam, who interviewed with flying colours for the second time this season last night.
Sadly for Dalglish, another Anfield boss of olde might pip him to the prize: Aston Villa manager Gérard Houllier has already tabled a £3.5m bid for Adam. Ged is also after Lyon midfielder Jean Makoun, Toulouse’s Moussa Sissoko, and Wigan pair Maynor Figueroa and Hugo Rodallega. Stephen Ireland is already packed up in a box, the delivery man waiting for his instructions and raring to go.
Blackpool will replace Adam with Arsenal’s Aaron Ramsey, should they accept Villa’s ready cash, or Liverpool’s as-yet-theoretical cheque. Anfield fans need not worry if the deal falls through, though, as other fresh talent promises to be on its way. Not only are the Reds planning to land Southampton starlet Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, who sounds as though he should be playing bass in a Home Counties indie-lite power-ballad beat combo, they’re also going to bid £15m for Ajax cartoon baddie Luis Suárez. Ah, hold on, Anfield fans should indeed worry, for Manchester United are in for the former, and Tottenham the latter. Oh Kenny!
Manchester United are also in the race for Lyon playmaker Yoann Gourcuff and FK Partizan midfielder Radosav Petrovic. Neighbours Manchester City, meanwhile, will be putting in a megabucks deal for Gareth Bale in the summer, but will be looking to scrape together a few quid in the meantime by packing Emmanuel Adebayor off to Real Madrid. Roque Santa Cruz is also for the off, on his way back to Blackburn with tail tucked between his legs, a habit he’s picked up sitting on the City benches and treatment tables.
Arsenal are going to sign old boy Matthew Upson, who will be replaced at West Ham by superannuated Newcastle galoot Sol Campbell. The Hammers are also still mulling over the future of Avram Grant, and are considering offering Martin O’Neill the chance to burn all the club’s transfer money on questionable talent with indecent haste before chipping off in a hot funk at an inconvenient moment.
West Brom boss Roberto di Matteo has finally tired of the antics of gap-toothed funster Scott Carson, and is looking to replace him with Cagliari’s Federico Marchetti, a player already primed for failure after starring in Italy’s 2010 World Cup campaign.
AC Milan are after Chelsea right-back Jose Bosingwa, who let’s remember cost the nouveau-riche west Londoners £16.2m a couple of years ago. £16.2m! Different times, different times. We’re all getting old. Here comes death!
And Birmingham boss Alex McLeish isn’t giving up on completing that £600,000 deal for Kenny Miller. The Rangers striker clearly doesn’t want to leave Rangers, so let’s look forward to watching him skitter around England with a face on for six months before heading off back home again. Oh Kenny!
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This post was submitted by Mudit Agrawal.
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