Equipped with a balaclava, a grappling hook and a large brown bag with SWAG printed on it, Harry Redknapp is about to launch what the Sun describes as a “shock raid” for Everton’s Phil Neville. What would really be a shock, of course, is if the Sun described any transfer as anything other than a “shock”, unless perhaps it was a sensation.
Or an outrage. If Redknapp’s raid is successful, Neville will briefly train with his old mucker David Beckham, who is currently limbering up on a daily basis with Tottenham, whose training ground, some might say appropriately, is located directly opposite a waste recycling plant.
Redknapp’s January recruitment might not be over, what with Roy Keane being available following his departure from Ipswich. The certainly-not-a-wheeler-dealer has given up on Robbie Keane, however, and is trying to convince David Moyes that the former Irish goal-getter is worth exactly one Steven Pienaar.
Chelsea want Pienaar too and are plotting to trump Tottenham by offering real money to get him. Chelsea are also on the verge of signing São Paulo forward Lucas Piazon, who is 15 years old and known to his mates, or at least the press, as “the new Kaká”. Shouldn’t that be Kakáinho? Isn’t that how it works? Anyway, Carlo Ancelotti has managed to reawaken Roman Abramovich’s interest in Chelsea sufficiently to put the club in a position to attempt to lure the lad with an offer of a pre-owned Xbox and a £10 voucher for Game. Let the good times roll. Away into the distance.
Speaking of good times, Gérard Houllier has set minds boggling like his eyes by vowing, according to the Daily Mail, to “pull out all the stops” in order to attract Blackpool’s Charlie Adam. Sunderland, Everton and Birmingham also want the Scottish schemer, with the highest bid currently believed to be £3.5m. Is that really how much they think Blackpool value their Premier League place? Ian Holloway, meanwhile, is serenading Dundee United’s David Goodwillie.
Liverpool are looking for a striker. Specifically, they’re looking for Fernando Torres, who hasn’t been seen for months. It has been reported that Joe Cole tried to find him once but the ball ended up in Stanley Park. Given Torres’s mysterious absence, Liverpool are plotting to bid £17m for Sevilla striker Alvaro Negredo, who is known to his friends as Alvaro Negredo, which probably wasn’t worth mentioning. Liverpool are also said to be interested in Anderlecht’s Romelu Lukaku, Lorient’s Kévin Gameiro and Lille’s Gervinho.
West Ham are hoping Wayne Bridge is man enough to live in the same city as John Terry.
Mark Hughes has been tip-tapping around his old stomping ground in Manchester as he tries to convince City to give him Shaun Wright-Phillips for £4m. Presumably City will only consent if Hughes agrees to take Roque Santa Cruz away too.
This post was submitted by Mudit Agrawal.
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